I always wonder why people cry on funerals? (for the foreigners I must specify something: Bulgarian funerals are one of a kind-people wail, say crazy thoughtless words, exaggerate everything.... a very sorry sight)

In my oppinion people must cry for those who are alive, esp for people with difficult life, such as we all know the Earth is overpopulated with. I dont mean myself-I have two hands, two legs, two eyes, I`m healthy (today it was proved one more time... ok, I am emotionally overloaded, but my body is ok!); I have a mother (some people dont have one); I have a room; I have the perfect child; I have business....... no I dont have, but- hey I think I`m fine. I have my music, I have my computer... I have no love, I have no support from my family, I have no money, I have no fun, I failed like an athlete, like a lover and girlfriend, I failed in my education..... I`m a complete looser, but I know bigger loosers than me! And I know people who have no one of the things that I have- people with serious diseases, with constant pains; people repressed, tortured, abused; people hungry and thirsty...

Anyway I wanted to say that so many people have such a miserable life, why dont we just admit that death takes them to a better place? Who says its bad to die? According to me its bad to live, but... who listens?

I know in some cultures people celebrate the death, they believe something good has happened... it was in Indonesia or... why I never remember facts? I dont know where it was but I greet that! I have been craving to die so many times that... death means nothing for me. Nothing at all can touch me lately. If I die its bad for my child but when a 85 yrs old person dies... why its bad?

And why I feel so bad now? Why does it hurt so much? Why? My head is going to burst in a few seconds, I`m telling you, thats how it hurts. Life is bad, bad, bad.... Dont cry for those who deliver from it, cry for the one who stay! Damn it!