First and foremost- Merry Christmas everyone! I wish you all the good things you can imagine! Good health, easy life, a lot of love and understanding!
Second, let me tell you the truth- if you have been bad and naughty during the year, now its too late to "play the angel"! Dont push yourself too hard to play good and submissive! God already knows everything about you!
I consider, the fake believers, who are good only "for the occasion" are bigger sinners than people who dont believe in the Christian faith at all! I mean- please, people, be honest! Honest to you, to God, to the people close to you! This is the best advice I can give you now, on this special eve, dont be imposters today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow! Never! It`s just not worthwile! Soon or late the truth comes out so ... You can at least save yourself the shame and confusion when the truth appears!
The big idea tonight is to be good, but if you are good only tonight- it just doesn`t count, so... be good tomorrow too! Please, for me!
Wish you the best presents ever!
I love you and miss you all! Yana
сряда, 24 декември 2008 г.
събота, 20 декември 2008 г.
I dedicate this to my mama...
Dear mama,
When a person is stupid, it`s usually for lifetime! You are hopeles!
I know you hate the day I was born, but believing or not IT IS NOT MY FAULT! It`s your own personal fault!
.............................................
I know she will never read this, but I still want to say it.
Excuse me, for the stupid article, I wont do it again! I promise.
And if you don`t understand how is this possible it means only one thing- you are one very, very lucky person. To have good parents or to have parents at all, has an ENORMOUS meaning in human`s life. It means that if you have 200 meters running competition, when you have beloving parents you are at the start line. But if you are like me, with one emotional and physical invalid parent, you are positioned 100 meters behind the start. Is this fair? I`m asking you, God, nature, society, whole world... Is it fair?
But let me tell you something- people like me usually beat the world record, even they start 100 meters behind the others. How it happens, I dont know, but I know that in my own personal moral code, being a bad parent to your children is sin Number ONE. Sin number two is to kill wild animals; number three- to be weak-willed and stupid; four- neglect to your body; five- dirty; six- to be a student in a Bulgarian university, seven-to misuse people who are in love with you; eight- to be self-sufficient; nine- to eat junk- food and ten..... to trust doctors, politicians and preachers. They dont even notice you, believe me!
Well, are you sinners?
When a person is stupid, it`s usually for lifetime! You are hopeles!
I know you hate the day I was born, but believing or not IT IS NOT MY FAULT! It`s your own personal fault!
.............................................
I know she will never read this, but I still want to say it.
Excuse me, for the stupid article, I wont do it again! I promise.
And if you don`t understand how is this possible it means only one thing- you are one very, very lucky person. To have good parents or to have parents at all, has an ENORMOUS meaning in human`s life. It means that if you have 200 meters running competition, when you have beloving parents you are at the start line. But if you are like me, with one emotional and physical invalid parent, you are positioned 100 meters behind the start. Is this fair? I`m asking you, God, nature, society, whole world... Is it fair?
But let me tell you something- people like me usually beat the world record, even they start 100 meters behind the others. How it happens, I dont know, but I know that in my own personal moral code, being a bad parent to your children is sin Number ONE. Sin number two is to kill wild animals; number three- to be weak-willed and stupid; four- neglect to your body; five- dirty; six- to be a student in a Bulgarian university, seven-to misuse people who are in love with you; eight- to be self-sufficient; nine- to eat junk- food and ten..... to trust doctors, politicians and preachers. They dont even notice you, believe me!
Well, are you sinners?
четвъртък, 18 декември 2008 г.
haruki chapter two
I know I made a promise to continue the theme with Haruki Murakami, but it wont be today. Today I feel bad. Not emotionally ( what a surprise), but physically. Have you ever felt fear you can loose your life? To tell you the truth, I don`t find death scary, but when you have things to do on this Earth and a little bell rings to remind you you are only a visitor here.... brrrrrr- that is scary! To die may be a good option sometimes ( I completely realize what I`m saying at the moment!!!) but when the person is ready to die. I mean old enough, suffering from a serious desease, pain, desperation... I can count you many justified reasons to die and I believe its as normal as to be born, but if you have a great promising future and a 7yrs old child..... things are getting a little more complicated. It is definitely not a right time to die I think....
Ok, I wont die now ( by the way who knows when we all will die) but thoughts like this are tumbling in my head today and because this is supposed to be something like a diary I feel free to publish my thoughts.... Today I came upon on a lovely comparison in the book Im reading, of course by Haruki Murakami. So listen: one of his characters writes a letter to an old friend of his own and says something like " I feel that the older I get, the more inperfect I feel! I am full with negatives and sins and as the time goes by, I get worse and worse person than before- like there are hens inside me and they represent my negatives. These hens lay eggs and from these eggs chickens are being incubated. And in this progression the bad things in me grow up with the time!" Of course I must ask for your apologies because at the moment I dont remember the words exactly ( the book is at work and now I lay in my bed at home) and what I remember cant be translated very accurate because my vocabulary is not as good as the translators one. I just hope you got the idea of these words. My point was that I feel something like that but in reverse: the hens in me represent my good qualities and as the time goes by I get a wiser and better person. And I think this year I had a very plantiful brood( ok, I saw this word in the dictionary and it means the group of chicken incubated together at the same time from one mom)! I mean a lot of chickens appeared inside me, so in September I thought I am going to burst. I lived with this huuuuge load inside me too long, no matter it was a good load in general, and by the end of November I was about to burst out and to loose myself and all the chickens inside... Luckily I found a person who saved us all..... By the way this person tried to help me still in August, but .... a stupid hen layed a few stupid eggs in me and here I am! Anyway, I coped with them. Now there are only good chickens inside.... But how am I supposed to make a difference between the good and the bed chickens at first? They all look nice and sweet when they are young!
I guess I let you a little in my fave`s autor world. Weird, isn`t it? And if it was a novel of his own he should shift the theme immediately, without a single sign... and start a new story about a soldier in Manjuria for example.
Have a Good Night everyone! And to my love I`d like to say "Willkommen in Heim!" If its wrong-please, forgive me;)
Ok, I wont die now ( by the way who knows when we all will die) but thoughts like this are tumbling in my head today and because this is supposed to be something like a diary I feel free to publish my thoughts.... Today I came upon on a lovely comparison in the book Im reading, of course by Haruki Murakami. So listen: one of his characters writes a letter to an old friend of his own and says something like " I feel that the older I get, the more inperfect I feel! I am full with negatives and sins and as the time goes by, I get worse and worse person than before- like there are hens inside me and they represent my negatives. These hens lay eggs and from these eggs chickens are being incubated. And in this progression the bad things in me grow up with the time!" Of course I must ask for your apologies because at the moment I dont remember the words exactly ( the book is at work and now I lay in my bed at home) and what I remember cant be translated very accurate because my vocabulary is not as good as the translators one. I just hope you got the idea of these words. My point was that I feel something like that but in reverse: the hens in me represent my good qualities and as the time goes by I get a wiser and better person. And I think this year I had a very plantiful brood( ok, I saw this word in the dictionary and it means the group of chicken incubated together at the same time from one mom)! I mean a lot of chickens appeared inside me, so in September I thought I am going to burst. I lived with this huuuuge load inside me too long, no matter it was a good load in general, and by the end of November I was about to burst out and to loose myself and all the chickens inside... Luckily I found a person who saved us all..... By the way this person tried to help me still in August, but .... a stupid hen layed a few stupid eggs in me and here I am! Anyway, I coped with them. Now there are only good chickens inside.... But how am I supposed to make a difference between the good and the bed chickens at first? They all look nice and sweet when they are young!
I guess I let you a little in my fave`s autor world. Weird, isn`t it? And if it was a novel of his own he should shift the theme immediately, without a single sign... and start a new story about a soldier in Manjuria for example.
Have a Good Night everyone! And to my love I`d like to say "Willkommen in Heim!" If its wrong-please, forgive me;)
вторник, 16 декември 2008 г.
twelve
Is it really only 12 days to go till I see you again? And do you know its 12 days since we started our new life together? Amazing, isn`t it? I call this day the "First day of the rest of my life", but I guess it`s just the selfish version of the more correct- "The first day of the rest of OUR life". There is no more me, its only us... It`s the greatest feeling ever, I guess thats why people get together in comunities, teams and any sort of groups. Just because it`s bad, bad, bad to be alone! All right, "vorfreude", lets make a deal- let we both do the possible and the impossible, so that next year in this blog to be written something really good, something about the happiness, the beautiful life and... us. Together. 12 months and 12 days after we started. And if it happens not to be good what I have to write than, I only pray that we will be at least much wiser and experienced in this dificult challenge- to set two lonely souls together. But I know it will be all right, because I know you wont give up on us. And I wont too... That`s all that matters.
The theme I wanted to work out today is "my favourite literature autor". Sounds like in school, a? I just want to insert here that literature was my very, very favourite subject in school. Yes! Everyone hated it, everyone! But me. So there is no wonder I still feel much different from all the rest, 8 yrs. after I graduated. Anyway... No, I have to do something- I want to say big "Thank you!" to my both literature teachers- first Viktoria Varlinkova, my teacher from 5th to 7th grade and Iordanka Popova, my teacher in the High School. I thank them, because these two women (very different from each other, by the way), despite of the times and ALL the rules and the anticuated methods for teching which still exist in the most Bulgarian schools, saw the tallent and the difference in my silent, speechless eyes and gave me all the freedom to ... write. To write whatever I decide. After that, they read it and ... stay speechless and silent just like I was. They couldn`t say a thing. Nothing. I dont know the exact reason for that, but I always dare to flatter myself, saying that their numb reaction was a result of my shocking and extremely alternative eyesight of the world. I am still the same, but the good teachers are gone.... Hopefully I found 1 or 2 very good one. I call them friends. And yes, my "Personal Jesus"- Jens ( he doesnt like to call him like that, but he is very busy now, so hopefully he wont read this;)) So they are the one I shower with my shocking and extremely alternative points of view about this world, life, nature, me, them... all, that most people dont even notice. Or just deny and reject. The easiest thing a human being can do.
So my point tonight is called Haruki Murakami, but because I already wrote an impossibly long article I have to stop and go on tomorrow or thirsday night. Sometimes I dont know what happens to me. Words and thoughts are overflowing from my brain and I cant stop them. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and it happens- like a flash movie in my head- thoughts, images, ideas... crazy. If I wasn`t so lasy to get up and record or type them, I should be nominated for a Nobel Award by now. I`m joking! ........ no, I`m not! Haruki is not lazy like me and here he is, already nominated! But he wrote his first novel on the age of 29, so I still have 2 yrs to figure out how on earth, the novels are supposed to be written?
to be continued...
The theme I wanted to work out today is "my favourite literature autor". Sounds like in school, a? I just want to insert here that literature was my very, very favourite subject in school. Yes! Everyone hated it, everyone! But me. So there is no wonder I still feel much different from all the rest, 8 yrs. after I graduated. Anyway... No, I have to do something- I want to say big "Thank you!" to my both literature teachers- first Viktoria Varlinkova, my teacher from 5th to 7th grade and Iordanka Popova, my teacher in the High School. I thank them, because these two women (very different from each other, by the way), despite of the times and ALL the rules and the anticuated methods for teching which still exist in the most Bulgarian schools, saw the tallent and the difference in my silent, speechless eyes and gave me all the freedom to ... write. To write whatever I decide. After that, they read it and ... stay speechless and silent just like I was. They couldn`t say a thing. Nothing. I dont know the exact reason for that, but I always dare to flatter myself, saying that their numb reaction was a result of my shocking and extremely alternative eyesight of the world. I am still the same, but the good teachers are gone.... Hopefully I found 1 or 2 very good one. I call them friends. And yes, my "Personal Jesus"- Jens ( he doesnt like to call him like that, but he is very busy now, so hopefully he wont read this;)) So they are the one I shower with my shocking and extremely alternative points of view about this world, life, nature, me, them... all, that most people dont even notice. Or just deny and reject. The easiest thing a human being can do.
So my point tonight is called Haruki Murakami, but because I already wrote an impossibly long article I have to stop and go on tomorrow or thirsday night. Sometimes I dont know what happens to me. Words and thoughts are overflowing from my brain and I cant stop them. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and it happens- like a flash movie in my head- thoughts, images, ideas... crazy. If I wasn`t so lasy to get up and record or type them, I should be nominated for a Nobel Award by now. I`m joking! ........ no, I`m not! Haruki is not lazy like me and here he is, already nominated! But he wrote his first novel on the age of 29, so I still have 2 yrs to figure out how on earth, the novels are supposed to be written?
to be continued...
неделя, 14 декември 2008 г.
back to balance
I was burrowing into my archives for some picture and I came upon this.... Absolutely heartbreaking and adorable. Kalina fell on the floor with laughter when she saw what a puppy she have been. Now she`s more like an young lady...
Time goes really fast and .. I`m very nostalgic today. Probably because lately I closed many doors behind me. Many... and I opened a big one. Very big, big as life. A door that I will step over and the rest of my life will start. It already started... It`s sooo good.
I met a very old friend a few weeks ago, a wise man, and I shared all my pain with him, told him how many things I have lost lately, and do you know what he told me? "This is a release, my dear, a riddance from all that you don`t need! To make a room for something new! To free a space in you heart and soul for the happiness!" These are the best words of consolation I have ever heard in my life! Ever!
And this is exactly what happened. I lost every hope, dream, support and solace I used to have in my life, just to get the biggest happiness ever. I must admit that I wasn`t right for many things all this time. I thought I know answers, but they were all wrong; I thought I know good people, but they were imposters; I thought I know some things for the business- now I can see how naive I have been- where the money are being made, the ideals cannot exist... Shall I go on? I know I am not stupid, I just needed these lessons to get smarter. And I needed all the pain, just know how to feel the deepest pleasure and happiness. It is still to come, but I found what I have been missing all this time. My better half, my better image in the mirror of life. What have been cut before, now is complete. And do you know what was the only thing I was right about? That this is the only thing that I need and it will heal my body and my soul. I wasn`t wrong at this point.
So the result so far in this game "Me versus Life" is 1 : many, but I know for sure, that I can go only ahead. And that I wont lose!
I wish you a fantastic week! There is no song today- still nobody managed to sing out what I feel inside. But I wish you all that you deserve instead, just like I get what I deserve- only the best, nothing more or less!
сряда, 10 декември 2008 г.
If you have nothing else to do, read this...
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/05/24/1053585746715.html
It`s an old article but it`s a long and complete story of these two fellows. Nice story. Definitely my favourite for the moment. And in case you dont have an eyes to notice, let me remind you they look very much alike. Another opened subject in my blog. Have a nice day!
It`s an old article but it`s a long and complete story of these two fellows. Nice story. Definitely my favourite for the moment. And in case you dont have an eyes to notice, let me remind you they look very much alike. Another opened subject in my blog. Have a nice day!
* Picture from http://www.style.com/
вторник, 9 декември 2008 г.
lose control
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPkFeC-kZmw
Hi, everyone! Did you miss me? I had some things to do... good things, nice things... I was away for a while- in Heaven and I spoke with God. He`s nice... if God can be called nice:)
You will know what I mean soon. Today I want to represent you this guy... gay.... Do you know what are the other meanings of this word? See it:
1. Cheerful
2.Joyful
3.Offhand
4.Bright
5.Superior
6. Flashy; Gleamy
7.Magnificently dressed and more...
I wish I was like this or.... as I think now thats what I am actually, especially offhand and superior ... and flashy ;) But I`m still not a gay... so why does it is no good to be one?
Do you know what is the difference between the nice and classy gay and the disgusting one? The same like between the nice and disgusting man and the nice and disgusting woman... Do you get my idea? I am not in my mind entirely at the moment, because I`m thinking about other things like love, sex, wine, cigarettes and Glockenspiele in Berlin, but I`m trying to explain that they are not any different as people, just like we ( the "normal" one) are. I mean close your eyes and imagine a lovely woman..... Now imagine a dirty one...... It awful, don`t you think? It`s the same with the gays- this one is handsom, stylish, tallanted, playful, but like usually happens, there are stupid, vulgar and repulsive gays who give to the whole community a bad name.
I think that I have many things to say about tho one "who have been under the rainbow", so I will keep this subject open. Till than, have a nice dances with Miro and remember one thing from me: to be "normal and like the others" is the ugliest thing ever! I think, this is worse, than to be failed. Be different, be alternative, be yourself, do what you like with whoever you like, live your life- now, taste it, try it, grab it... one day God will appear in a silver car and say to you "It`s all right!" This moment will worthwile all the pain and tears you have cried. I know what I`m talking about... To be a gay is almost the same difficult and challenging like to be ME in this place and in this family. I know again what I`m talking about.
Wish you a fantastic, joyful and successful December! And one more thing- when it`s too painful to bear, it`s closest to the end and the solution. There is a very thin line between them! ByeBye
Hi, everyone! Did you miss me? I had some things to do... good things, nice things... I was away for a while- in Heaven and I spoke with God. He`s nice... if God can be called nice:)
You will know what I mean soon. Today I want to represent you this guy... gay.... Do you know what are the other meanings of this word? See it:
1. Cheerful
2.Joyful
3.Offhand
4.Bright
5.Superior
6. Flashy; Gleamy
7.Magnificently dressed and more...
I wish I was like this or.... as I think now thats what I am actually, especially offhand and superior ... and flashy ;) But I`m still not a gay... so why does it is no good to be one?
Do you know what is the difference between the nice and classy gay and the disgusting one? The same like between the nice and disgusting man and the nice and disgusting woman... Do you get my idea? I am not in my mind entirely at the moment, because I`m thinking about other things like love, sex, wine, cigarettes and Glockenspiele in Berlin, but I`m trying to explain that they are not any different as people, just like we ( the "normal" one) are. I mean close your eyes and imagine a lovely woman..... Now imagine a dirty one...... It awful, don`t you think? It`s the same with the gays- this one is handsom, stylish, tallanted, playful, but like usually happens, there are stupid, vulgar and repulsive gays who give to the whole community a bad name.
I think that I have many things to say about tho one "who have been under the rainbow", so I will keep this subject open. Till than, have a nice dances with Miro and remember one thing from me: to be "normal and like the others" is the ugliest thing ever! I think, this is worse, than to be failed. Be different, be alternative, be yourself, do what you like with whoever you like, live your life- now, taste it, try it, grab it... one day God will appear in a silver car and say to you "It`s all right!" This moment will worthwile all the pain and tears you have cried. I know what I`m talking about... To be a gay is almost the same difficult and challenging like to be ME in this place and in this family. I know again what I`m talking about.
Wish you a fantastic, joyful and successful December! And one more thing- when it`s too painful to bear, it`s closest to the end and the solution. There is a very thin line between them! ByeBye
Абонамент за:
Публикации (Atom)