Fields of Gold*

You'll remember me when the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

You forget the sun in his jealous sky

As we walk in fields of gold

So she took her love

For to gaze awhile

Upon the fields of barleyIn his arms she fell as her hair came down

Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love

Among the fields of barley

You forget the sun in his jealous sky

As we lie in fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so

Upon the fields of barley

Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth

Among the fields of gold

I never made promises lightly

And there have been some that I've broken

But I swear in the days still left

We'll walk in fields of gold

We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days

Among the fields of barley

See the children run as the sun goes down

Among the fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

You can tell the sun in his jealous sky

When we walked in fields of gold

* Sting

Absolute, pure happiness to see and feel this nature with just a little touch of the human hand! Amazing! That was the most fantastic place I visited in Czech Republic. My appologies to all the cathedrals, museums and magnifisent historical buildings I saw but that is what really touches my heart! Cities are good for shopping but not for living! And yes I`m mad about shopping and I`m a kind of addicted to my personal belongings but they serve me just to be healthy, beautiful and perfectly fitted for sport! Everything else is in the nature! I love cities like Paris and New York and I`m longing to visit them but just for a while. Like I do in Sofia now:)

................. I`m out of inspiration now. Can`t write anything at all! I`m sorrry! I know I don`t have a good publication since very long time but I just can`t put together two sensible words. Now it`s probably because I had my fill of food and beer. Czech beer! That`s it- only the hungry people can think and act. If you are perfectly satisfied why should your body waste energy to do something unnecessary. That`s the logic of the nature isn`t it!

See you when I`m hugry!

a new start

After my short vacation I`m back on the battle field again. Don`t feel much enthusiastic by the way... I expected more from these 10 days though so many exciting things happened to me! I had a long difficult trip to Czech Republic to be a spectator at the WOC 2008 in Olomouc where I took part in the Orieneering Festival as a runner and I became third in W21 C class. This is something like the third class under the elite;) but anyway I made some good runnings and I`m absolutely satisfied because I had 6 starts one after another and I felt absolutely great about it . It`s an interesting story and I promise to tell it in another post!

The best thing ever is that I saw the biggest stars from the world of orienteering and I had the chance to make a lot of pictures and videos as well. I met the God of orienteering.... There he is....

He is born only 2 years before me ( by the way exactly 2 yrs without 1 single day;) and he has already achieved almost everything he could ever dream about. Except the gold medal in the relays for France. This year he and his team- mates almost got it but a simple small insect said: " Non, Tero! Je suis desole!" Deepak Chopra would comment that this insect actually proves to be the real God! How funny, the universal God gives a lesson to the orienteering God who is the boss here:):):)

Don`t worry Tero, you are still soooooooooooooooo charming that the real God could never ever get even close to that!

Hope you are not too religious!

Anyway! He and his mates now have such a high aim to reach! This is good for everyone Deepak would say :) He is a funny man. Very positive one! I read some of his books and they really help me to stay steady on the ground after the very next disappointment in my intimate life. It turned out somehow that I am single again...


But he is not right when he says that everything depends on us and if we really want something it will happen. We just have to open our minds and call the fortune to make our dreams come true. I doubt it because I can hardly remember even one thing that I have dreamed about to become a reality. Actually nothing happens the way I want it. Nothing. That`s why I don`t want to ask anything from the universe. Not even a thing! I used to be a great dreamer, my friends, but now I have to break this bad habit of mine because everything I have ever desperately wanted failed and never came true.


I used to live in my dreams every day and every night! What shall I do now? I have no idea! I can live my life in a so-so way..... I don`t like this kind of life! And I`m not gonna live it! I will find my way!


By the way this is a new table with the results from my last 8 km running... I`m not getting any better.... but I will keep on running it. What else can I do to have some satisfaction and fun from this life?

cookies for vankata

I guess it`s quite easy to support a winner but it`s quite brave to support a potential one!

Vanka, there is a reason you are on this earth. It`s not necessary this reason to be juniour world champion for 2008! It may be world champion for 2009! Or 2010! Or 2020! You will be 32 than! What do you reckon, as your friends aussies say? Enough time to bring up the winner in yourself, don`t you agree? I know some people who will support you all the way through and all that you have to do is to work harder and to believe harder. In yourself, of course!

I`m gonna be 39 then:) In 2020 I mean. Mmmmm, I manage to be a freaky, sexy bitch with two gorgeous children, at least one marriage behind me ( I don`t mind to be a successful one though I don`t believe it), a few companies to bring enough money to satisfy my own caprices, a personal driver ( because it turns out that I will probably never learn to do it by myself ), house in the mountain (close to Dryanovo) and the sea ( Sinemorec) and.... what else! Let me wish for myself to be a sound mind in a sound body! And to be a good mom of Kalina and hopefully a boy or another girl, doesn`t matter! And to create something to be proud of- a concept or an idea, or a place... Or just a family. That`s my strongest desire! To have a family and home! I would give all that I counted just to have it.

But somewhere, deep inside I know that it`s already desided if I`m gonna have one of those or everything, or I will end up in a mental home begging passers-by for a cigarette......

Don`t get angry with me, but I`ll tell you that it`s decided for you too! I mean in which exact year you will be the world champion:) That is why you have to train like it`s the next year - always with that presumption, because if you decide to give up or rest even for a while, you will miss a chance that you may never ever have again! Don`t forget that - every next year may be your year!!!

And don`t forget this year, though many people will advice you to do it! Remember it to know how low you have been... and how high you can go!

This evening I took a long walk with my mom and Kalina. It was peaceful and relaxing- exactly what I needed after this awful week. It was no good for me and for people who are important for me. I know this is a lesson and I have to analyse it, to make a conclusion and to walk out of this situation much wiser and humble... Do you know what- I just can`t do it anymore. I`m tired to controll myself, my feelings, my thoughts... To work out a better character, to pretend I`m stronger after every problem solved. Sometimes I think that this is just the way leding me to the old age. This difficult life is just wasting me. I can be twice more patient and good and efficient than this- I know that, but I need a little luck, a little happiness, a moment to bring me some joy and hope mostly. I feel absolutely exhausted lately. Emotionally exhausted...





My vacation is comming soon. It will continue 10 days. Tell me is it fair? Whole year suffering for only 10 days vacation! This deal is made between a non-human-being ( God, devil or something else) and someone desperate as Adam, who has lost everything (his home and living) just because his beautiful wife wanted to eat an apple and talk with a snake. Does any of these make sense to you? Do you believe that God never knew it will turn out this way- that Eve will start this whole everlonging chain of sins. If it`s true ( that there is God existing and this story is true as well) it means that he have knew what will happen, long before he have started the creation. I don`t know if I explained everything good enough for you to understand me but let me tell you the truth in one sentense: God has created sinners and he knew that all the way through!!! If he didn`t know that, what kind of god is that? And why we are blamed and punished for being sinners? What is sin after all? To eat apples and talk with snakes ?





I`m a sinner to the bones and I have enough reasons to stay in hell till the rest of the eternity....

I just don`t know what to do with myself...*

This is the result. Do I have to comment it? I felt absolutely confident and sure with my condition but there it is. I think that I need someone to pull me or just to support me. Or something to dull my conscious because that is my problem. My body is ok. I wasn`t tired, thirsty or exhausted. But I gave up. Do I have to apologize to my body? I think I have to because I didn`t controlled it the right way. Body needs control all the time! But I was thinking about something else... Or I was just still sleeping. I have to try this running at the evening.

Me and my body are different concepts. It was me who gave up this time and didn`t make it.

And this Siven equipment doesn`t worth a thing! I felt like in a boiler comparing with my Trimtex top or Adidas t-shirt and it contains all the sweat that is secreted! My monitor belt was falling all the time... I couldn`t enjoy this running at all!

* freaky sexy song from The White Stripes. I love it! Something like....
..............

cause I`m not with you

I just dont know what to do

like a summer rose needs the sun and rain

I need your sweet love ....

......

I just don`t know what to do with myself!

cavemen

Sometimes it`s really hard to keep a house! Especially when you share it with cavemen!!! These horrible people have slaughtered some chicken in their very bathroom (!!!!!!) and than throwed all the feather and pluck and dirty water in the sewerage. Of course the sewerage has got plug up with all that dirt ant these idiots took the genious decision to pour tons of boiled water in the plastic pipe that runs straight on the top of our basement, to unplug it. The pipe gets melted and all the shit-full-water pours straight over our jars and bottles with food and drinks and guess what else? You will never know! My gorgeous new fantastic very favourite bike!)(*&^567*((*&^%$#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And ankle high sewerage water flood!

I spent my evening cleaning this dirt... You can imagine- I`m a vegetarian and all this smell of just killed chicken and feather, and little pieses of flesh, and everything.......

The bad days series goes on from tuesday, tomorrow is thirsday and I don`t think I can make it till friday! I want this to stop!!! All day today and yesterday I had a twitch in the right eye (it`s when a tiny muscle vibrates in your eyelid) and I wondered if it`s good or bad. Well it`s bad for sure!

If I`m alive till friday morning I`ll do my 8 km distance running and I`ll post some info to let you know how my naughty body behaves!

See you!