a little violence from time to time can make miracles...

it can make you pay attention to someone or something, you have never noticed or thought about...

someone or something important...

level 34, chapter two

No doubt, on 34 is full of strangers and newcommers. Just take a look arround and see how many people behave unadequate! ALMOST EVERYONE!!!!!
The point is most of these people come from level - (minus) 300! It`s still 1562 year there! That`s why they behave like aborigines. People from higher level, like me, just keep silence. And cry humbly... What else can I do? There is no way out from here.

Have you heard that earth is the hell itself? That we are already in hell? That makes sense along with my theory that we are all strangers here comming from various different worlds! That`s is why we are so incompatible. White, dark, tall, short, beautiful, ugly, smart, stupid, ahtletic, fat, depressive, optimistic... Everyone here is so different. But after all we still have a chance to find people who are just like us, who come from our place. But it`s so hard for me to find other inhabitants from my page. Sometimes I think that I am the only sinner on 37!!! I wonder what is that horrible thing I have done to be punnished like that, to be thrown out here from there.

By the way I am still a bad person. Probably I am here to heal from that. But I dont see myself getting any better .... I`m getting even worse. I`m stuck here forever... with those from -300...

Today I abused so many people and I said so many words I didn`t wanted to, that now I feel like a criminal. I was bad at home, so I am not looking forward to go home; I was bad at work, so I don`t want to stay here anymore; everything goes wrong and there is no place to go and no person to talk with... It all went wrong today. Now I`m drinking wine ( (!!!) imagine how lokal I am turning into!!!), eating bad mozzarela (on my level they make it soft and fresh, here is like yellow cheese) and last but not lest I am trying to clear out my dirty conscious typing down all my sins on this blog. Unsuccessfully.

Someday I will confess all my sins here. Probably soon. There is no wonder people in Finland kill themselves so often. And get drunk every day - the bad weather makes me do this all the time!

Cookie Jar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrjRj4uQQ1o


Take a look at these fellows! They are just soooooooooo.... sweet! And hot!
They remind me of Outcast- very cute and smart and far from their low-minded brodas.
This is a sexy, sweet song for smooth, lightly drunk seducing dances!
Have a great week everyone!!! This song is for you!!!
And happy 50 outminded stories!!!
Hope see you at number 100!!!
Have to make a party!!!
Can`t keep my heands ma heands ma heands........

The sunsets are fabulous these days and I cant help show them all to you!

Today was pretty calm on page number 34. I found another stranger here. I have always had anticipations about this person if he comes from my page and feels stranger here, but today I completely exposed him!

Let me think if I know more ppl foreigners here......

Yes, I know a lot, but nobody else from 37. I know some from 36. I call them friends.

Today I was thinking that my mom probably belongs to 34. She shurely does and that makes me really sad, because I love her so much, but I can`t contact with her the right way. She doesn`t think the way I do. Her brain works different way. She has been suffering all her life and now when I can make her life easier, she just says "I can`t accept that help". I can`t conceive why. Does she feels that she doesn`t deserve this help? I still can`t forgive her some things... things that people from 34 do to their children.

I was thinking as well from which level Kalina comes from. She is still so young and her conscious is still unriped to deside. Do you know that I can read her whole world in her eyes? When I ask her a question and see her, it`s not even necessary to listen what she says- I already know everything. Brrrrrrr! That makes me shiver! It is an incredibble power I have over her! It so cruel to think that it`s possible to misuse with it. I know some parents do it with no scruples...

Doesn`t matter! As long as I am alive, this child will be happy and fine. Everything else has no matter now.

There she is.... with mustashes :) :) :)

another sunset

Hehe, look what a wonderfull view I have from the window of my bathroom. Seems like I live in Colorado or something. The bathroom doesn`t worth anything but the view...
Anyway, I`m happy I found a good picture for my new article. Lately I have lack of inspiration, materials to write about and pictures as well. You can see that I am not very efficient.
Today I made a good training. As I say good I mean that I felt good but the training doesnt worth a thing. I run like a phlegm - slowly, apathetic, almost lethargical. Like a snail. I`m running one killometer for more than 6 minutes and this comes to show that in general I dont run at all. But I just cant move any faster. And why should I? Who cares if I do? What is the sense of that? My body just gives up after my mind did it. I`m sure about that. My pulse is not even getting any higher than 170-176. This is nothing. Absolutely nothing! Like half of my body is asleep, not working at all.

I do not find physical or emotional reason to do anything at all. I give up. I dont want to play, as kids say. I quit.

Do you know that theory claiming that the world has million dimensions and everything happens million times but on a different levels? That life goes on and on million times one after another but probaly with a slight differense, and the space is organized like the pages of a book? And people want to jump from one dimension to another? Do you know that theory? Hope you do, because I`m not very good explaining physics and science but anyway, sometimes I think that I live on the wrong page. Not to mention that even the chapter may be wrong... but I feel that something is kind of weird and unfamiliar, and like it`s fine in general, and life is good but... isn`t it the wrong level I live in? Something little but significant is disturbing my conscious and even my body, because every time when a doctor or a dentist, or a hairstylist, or someone like that tries to make any sort of intervention on me, something goes really wrong immediately. Like when you meddle with two forks in a plugged in machine and any second from now you will be striked by the electricity. The point is that these fellows here have absolutely no idea what they are doing, like they think that everything they do is fine and correct, like it`s written in a manual book to do exactly this particular action ( to meddle with two forks in a machine plugged in). In the page (world) they live in actually, this is exactly what they should do and they will repair the machine ( my body). BUT on my very page (world) this very particular action leads to an immediate electricity stroke but with the simple detail that not the person, but the machine (my body) gets broken and stroked. Do you understand what I mean? At first sight, my body is like the other people`s but in fact, it is very much not. Like my cells are organized in a different way. Like people`s bodies are organized on the page (world) I should live in. Do you get the idea? People from page 34 and those from 35 are absolutely alike with a very slight gifference. From 34 and 36 we can find distinctions, if we do our best to search for one, but people from page 34 and 37 for example, are already very different and you can see it with naked eye. People from 34 and 444 are uncompatible. It`s on the principal of accumulation, like heaping slight differences one after another, you can graduate a huge difference. Lets say I`m from page 37 and this world here is 34. We are different as the thickness of two pages ( 1/3 from the millimetre) but this distinction causes a lot of damage to me and my body in the daily round.


Do you got the idea of my misery and where it comes from? I am not complaining from anything but ... please let me get out of here!!! I am gonna die very soon if everything goes like that in future. I am not joking! It`s like to put a riverwater fish in a saltwater. It`s a fish and it`s a water but the fish is still going to die...

This article itself is a piece of evidence, that I am off my mind. Only a sick brain can give a birth of this...

first day at school

Here I have a school girl! Let`s see what will turn out from that! The school was such a nightmare for me in the beginning, that I feel almost pitty about my lovely girl. She doesn`t seem scared or worried about it and she knows almost everything as an essential from the material for first grade, so I`m almost sure there will be no problem at all, but... It is a difficult part of people`s life. Hope she will find good friends and good teachers as well. I wish her all the best! I love you, my little ... bun! That`s how I call her. Bun with marmalde. Souds better on Bulgarian:)
By the way, do I look like very serious lady on ages? I think that is exactly how I look like. Old and serious. Blyax!

http://www.robertgesink.nl/


ha-ha, look who gripped my attention as I was watching the "Vuelta" today. I found a lot in the net about my new favourite from the Rabobank team cyclists after the unfortunate Michael Rasmussen`s career end. He was my absolutely number one and since he was suspended from the team and the Tour de France last year, I was looking for a new favourite in vain for more than an year. Here I found my new one. I read his blog and I liked it because it is not purely for sport, as a professional cyclist`s blog could be, but it is non-commited and easy go read. I found the style similar to mine, so I`m surely attracted.



By the way I want to know (not that this is an issue for me) but how come all the cool guys I know or I am appealed to, are born long after me? I have an explanation but it`s quite long to write it up now. In short, it`s something about the times my generation is born. I mean men born between 1973/4 and 1981 for example. The most horrible experience I have had is with guys born 1978.
Don`t mess with them, girls. There must have been something really disgusting in the air that year. Complete bull shits are they....
Sorry if you are born that year but if you have even a slight idea what these people put me through, you will forgive me immediately!
Anyway, I wanted to say that my impression from younger men is much better than the impression I have from those on my ages. It`s not necessary to be correct, of course.
Chao, as this cute bloke says:):):)

I am a monster!
I spent the last 3 hours of my life searching for a song called Silence.
Delerium feat Sarah McLachlan ( Niels van Gogh vs. Thomas Gold remix) if I have to be accurete to the very last!
That`s it! I heard a little part of this song in a huge Dj M.I.K.E. set and little by little I found it. Dont ask me how! I looked over probably hundred of tracklists before I got it!
The point is that I got it;)
I believe it`s gonna be one of my very fave songs in future. I`ll download every single piece of torrent with this song!
Anyway-It`s one small but sweet victory!
Lately I feel like hell but doesnt matter. I cry, I feel pain, disappointmen, anger, sorrow....
I cant even listen my favourite music properly because of my ear. Yes, I have pain in my ear.... Along with all the other physical and emotional aches that I have. But if I ever have an ear again I will burst it with music. A lot of trance and my-one-and-only-favourite-for-life-depeche-mode-music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And if I ever see a man (from a close range) I will have sex. A lot of sex!
Now I have to suffer with my missing tooth (or the hole that`s left), my sore throat and my painful ear. Yes!
P.S. In those psycho-books that I have (Deepak Chopra`s for example) it`s written to think positive;)
I AM VERY POSITIVE NOW, DEEPAK! VERY POSITIVE!!!I AM THE MOST POSITIVE PERSON YOU HAVE EVER HEARD ABOUT!!! ...... JERK!

*in a village c I made this amazing picture alled Radovci. Fantastische! With plenty of "die Himbeeren":):):) Yes, it`s gonna be like that! I`m starting German lessons at the end of this month and I am happy as I can be about it. You have no idea how much I have already learnt by myself. See you loosers!!!!!

pain...

I know I havent been posted for a long time, but there is nothing significant happening in my life to be discussed. But it doesnt mean that I havent had good ideas in my head, I just felt too bad to post anything. I have a horrible toothache! And tomorrow I`m going lo loose one of my teeth:( ................
I suppose it`s for better because the doctor can`t guarantee that if this tooth is healed and filled, it will be fine next 10 or 15 yrs, so I think it`s better to have an artificial one! I think this is quite horrible and repulsive but... there is no other way as the situation was left to go this bad.
I just want to appoint that it is not my false! I am visiting dentist as often as needed and recommended, but they just cant do their job properly!!! They always miss something and there is always something else to be done and when you go next time:"Ooooooo, here we have something....". And they take that machine "just to investigate this littlle thing out there" and half an hour later you are with two hollowed out teeth that "Probably can`t be healed!" And gaze upon you telling: "You are a complete wretch! You dont wash your teeth, you dont use tooth cord and you havent been visiting me for years!!! That is exactly what you deserve!" And the head is being slowly shaked demonstrating his complete disappointind and disgust from your miserable personality!
Of course none of these accusations are true but "here is the result!"- go and prove you are right and you wash your teeth every time. And you left him last time your monthly salary to "fix something unsignificant that bothers me!" And meanwhile a huge caries is destroying your tooth from inside for years under an old, school filling!
Anyway, who says life is fair!
So I`m expecting to see tomorrow these accusing eyes telling me "You, creature, you are going to suffer now for your sins against the the Holly World Dentistry Institution!"

.........................................................................................................

If I am alive I`ll see you tomorrow! Good night!

divine pasta

No matter how much I hate myself,

No matter how ugly I think I am,

No matter how stupid I am,

No matter how many people I have hurt,

No matter how impossible is my happiness,

No matter what I represent.

I still cook like a Goddess...

My daughter and I think so.

Mad World*

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
Hide my head
I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very
Very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
Hello teacher
Tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very
Very
Mad world

*Gary Jules` song