super massive black holes* and how easy is to get into them

I don`t think there is someone who doesn`t know what I mean with that but I will explain for those who are lucky and don`t fall into depression every second day. I call "supermassive black hole" that state of mind when whatever you think of, makes you feel bad. I always wonder how exactly that happens and what are the particular reasons and finally I got to the conclusion that this is something like an epileptic fit. The doctors point few different reasons leading to that condition- light, emotions, noise, bad food etc. But sometimes when this happens and you try to point the very reason, you see that all this irritating factors come to the front and you can never say exactly what went wrong. I believe that this is what happens to me but on an emotional level. All the reasons that lead to my depressions and blues are everywhere around me, all the time and I just can`t avoid them, can`t fight them and can`t stop them come together. Today I can point them all one by one and trust me, they just happened without surtain reason one after another. I just dont have the power to control them and now there is no wonder, I can hardly help myself not to burst into tears. And whatever I think of, makes me feel bad. Realy bad.

And if you ask me, what is that thing that can help me feel better I wont say anything but "a friend" . Do you know what I mean? A friend. That`s all. And the point is that there is none around me. Today, when all the "reasons" come together. I wish I had an option to create one right now, in human form and shape with all the features that will match to my character. Isn`t it ridiculous- the one thing that will make me feel better is to play.... God. To create a human being the way I see it:) I don`t want much,no! Just to play God for a while! Well, that`s me you know- I`ve been told I always want what is impossible. And I don`t deny it!

Anyway, I`ll be fine. Tomorrow will be very intensive and important day so I have to get ready. All by myself of course! It`s too much to want to have someone by your side. Sometimes I think to myself, that if I pray to win several millions from the lottery is more like to happen, than to find my mate. And deep inside me I predict that one day I`ll be very rich. Rich but lonely. Wouldn`t you cry too if that was your case? Don`t tell me no! I believe you are good people. And yes, the happiness is not in the money my friends, it`s IN the friends:)

Thank you!


p.s. I`m just one "a little stupid, but very, very sensitive person" and I can`t control my emotions. That`s all! I`m a lucky, everyone knows that! Even me, but sometimes I forget it!






* a song from a band called Muse. I sincerely recommend it.